For forty years I struggled with this, - sometimes thinking I'd prefer His idea of "reward" rather than face eternal torture, but at other times not so sure. I tried to be a good Christian, to stay onside with this God that I so thoroughly disliked, but it was always a battle, in which His way was usually the loser.
Then one day a message came into my heart. It touched me deeply, and ultimately had a profound effect on my life and my attitude to my Lord.
Here is that message .
From Jesus with love
You know a lot of what happened to me, but I want you and all my friends to understand how I really felt about it all. I want this to help you to know me and to understand my feelings - both how I felt about my own experiences and how I feel towards you personally. Because I do care about you - very much.
To really understand me you need to know something of my background, - parents and family, childhood and adolescence, successes and failures.
So let's go back to the beginning .....
See next page for Jesus' struggle.
There is no hatred or bitterness in Jesus